THE SYDNEY JOURNAL THINKING OUT LOUD

JUST LIKE THAT

Today. I literally searched for you. For close to five years, I searched for you. You don’t know how much I was hoping to find you. I did want to leave it to fate, I really did.

I had hoped that we would perhaps, just maybe, cross paths while doing our weekly grocery shop. You know, you’d be there in the vegetable section of the supermarket and I’d spot you while attempting to choose the least ripened avocado from a bad bunch, and that would be it. Or while I waited patiently for my takeaway soy latte from my favourite local, you’d just be there waiting for your coffee too and you’d nod your head and say, good morning. Or while reading my book under the sun, laying out on my blue and red striped picnic rug big enough for two, you’d pass by and strike up a conversation and that would be it. Just like that.

Although I constantly said to myself, what will be, will be, I must admit, I just couldn’t help myself. I would look around the fresh food section of the supermarket for you. I’d sometimes even sit in at the cafe instead. I’d take the long way home from the park. All in case I missed you by a mere minute or two. Just like that.

There were times when I certainly thought I had found you, but they were all false alarms. I guess, looking back, I knew deep down that they weren’t you. They were merely stepping stones, pieces to our puzzle. I got so use to you not being around that I simply reminded myself to look at the bigger picture when the puzzle pieces wouldn’t fit. No matter how much my heart hurt at times, and God, there were times when it hurt more than I thought I could bear, I stayed positive. I remained optimistic. I consistently reminded myself: when I eventually find you, it’ll all be worth it.

You. You lead the way, holding my hand so firm while my other hand clenches onto my one-way ticket. A ticket to my plan, my self-made fate, my next chapter, my fresh start. My one-way ticket out of a place that never quite felt like home, a place where I never did, I never could find you. I really did search for you. For close to five years, I searched high and low for you. Even on the days when I was close to giving up, there was still some hope that the long way home from wherever I was would prove my theory wrong – that you were in fact just around the corner. Just like that.

You. Oh, you feel so familiar. My hand just fits so perfectly in yours. My head just rests so perfectly on your chest. My life just fits so seamlessly, effortlessly into your world. It feels as though you have held my hand for all this time, like you guided me here, to this very moment. We must admit, it was instant, wasn’t it? The things that had to align for us to even meet. The stars had never aligned in such a fashion. I created my own fate and I didn’t even know it.

You. Oh, I literally searched for you. For close to five years, I searched for you. You don’t know how much I was hoping to find you. I did want to leave it to fate, I really did. But I’m taking your lead here – I’m Melbourne bound with a one-way ticket. Our fate is in your hands.

So now, I just have one question for you:

Where in the world are you?

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